She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
