i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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