Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
