Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
