My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
