Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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