Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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