took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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