he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
