If that was your dad, he is hot
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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