I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
