every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
