i wish my penis had a tongue
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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