Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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