She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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