one two three fourrrrnication!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
