Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
