Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
