I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
