I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
