you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
