I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
