I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
