the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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