From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
