Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
