Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
