i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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