I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
