eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
