Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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