Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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