Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
