doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
