Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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