Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
