I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My first STD was from a foam party
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
