Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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