Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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