Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
