One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
