I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
