I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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