hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
