i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
