So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Small penises have feelings too.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
