strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
