her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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