She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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