He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
