I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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