Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
only you would photoshop your dick
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
