After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
