Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dicks are not precious.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
