i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
